Dear Mickey Rourke…

How’s it goin? Bored of staring at that shiny new Golden Globe yet?? Hopefully not, and hopefully you’re enjoying this comeback you’ve worked so hard for.

Thought I’d write and wish you luck in the upcoming Oscar race. Also, I thought I’d share a word to the wise. News last week was that you were to participate in WWE’s Wrestlemania this spring. Dude – do you really want to squash your Oscar chances? You just got people looking at you as a serious actor again, do you really just want them thinking of you as “That Wrestler Guy”?? Let’s face facts, there’s a world of difference between giving an honest and tender performance as a wrestler, and whoring yourself out to participate in a highly hyped match with a wrestler.

As it happens, I’ve since read that someone has talked you out of it, and that you are now on record as not participating in Wrestlemania. Whoever convinced you to do this – listen to them. The Academy is known for cutting a comeback short when the comebackee reminds them of who they used to be during the Oscar voting window.

Does the word “Norbit” mean anything to you?

Hopefully the damage isn’t already done, but just to be on the safe side, try to be on your best behaviour for the next four weeks or so, kay? Best of luck to ya!

sincerely,

Hatter