Somebody hand me my wooden stake…

The story of TWILIGHT centres around Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart). For reasons that are completely inconsequential, Kristen moves from Phoenix to Forks Washington to live with her father Charlie. Arriving mid-semester, she finds herself the unlikely centre of attention. However, her own fascination is focused on The Cullen family: Five pale, mysterious high school kids who keep to themselves. Of the five Cullens, it’s Edward (Robert Pattinson)who fascinates her the most, though he seems completely repulsed by her.

The truth is that he isn’t repulsed, and to prove it, he saves Bella from a potential car accident by pulling her out of the way with unbelievable speed, and even stopping the incoming car with one hand. For Bella, the fallout is two-fold. On one hand she needs to understand the unexplainable event she just saw, and on the other hand, she is drawn to Edward even more. Through a bit of research, and pure determination, she gets the truth: The Cullens are vampires.

Bella isn’t afraid, and Edward explains that he was likewise drawn to her. He wasn’t actually repulsed, but intoxicated by her, and the cold demeanour he was displaying was to prevent himself from indulging himself what he as a vampire is supposed to do. However, danger is afoot for the unlikely couple, as it appears not every vampire is the reasonable pacifist Edward is. Thus, when a brood of hunters cross paths with The Cullens, a fight for Bella’s safety ensues.

Sounds like a cool story no? It is – but this movie doesn’t do it any justice. The first problem comes with the pacing. It takes half the movie for Bella to figure out Edward’s secret, and the conflict with the villains doesn’t kick in until the movie is three-quarters over. While a 550 page book can take its sweet time with character exposition, a two hour movie just doesn’t have the same opportunity afforded.

Any mistakes not made by the script are made by the direction. The cool thing about vampire movies, is that you can get away with all sorts of shortcomings as long as they are visually interesting. TWILIGHT comes up short so many times I lost count. The movie has a light blue tint that is supposed to convey the damp greyness of the Pacific Northwest. It doesn’t, it just looks like film that hasn’t been colour corrected.

Worse than that is some horrendous music cues, a vampire who is supposed to intimidate but instead appears like he took a bath in glitter, and a villain who is no scarier than a WWE bad guy. What draws people – myself included -to vampires is the superhuman powers they are supposed to posses. Unfortunately, the movie almost makes a mockery of Edward’s powers. His moves through the forest aren’t supernatural, they are bad wire work. Note to director Catherine Hardwicke: Before filming the sequel, go to your local Blockbuster and rent THE HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS. Fast forward to the sequence in the bamboo forest. You’re welcome.

As if I wasn’t bored enough by a vampire story that is tremendously bloodless, I was likewise treated to a love story that felt amazingly passionless. Young love is intense for any teenager, because it is highly built on infatuation. The book focused on this even more, since it’s told from Bella’s point of view. Make no mistake, she is enticed by Edward in every intoxicating way…she lo-oves him. But I’d never know based on this movie, since the scenes have all the passion and enticement of a yogurt commercial. For a brief shining moment, at the very end, Edward and Bella have a very romantic and passionate moment. Why such chemistry was saved for the very end of the story is beyond me.

The thing is, no matter what I say, the movie will be a hit. I sat down amongst a theatre full of teenagers intending to like the film…no, really. Sadly I was wickedly disappointed, and left the theatre pining to watch movies like THE LOST BOYS and INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE on DVD. Oh well, the next movie in the series was greenlit just a few days ago. Maybe they’ll make up for the midterm by acing the make-up test.

Matineescore: ★ out of ★ ★ ★ ★
What did you think? Please leave comments with your thoughts and reactions on TWILIGHT.

7 Replies to “TWILIGHT

  1. Okay. I was waiting for your take on it. I can officially pass now… If you really loved it I would have second thoughts – but you confirmed what I suspected. Thank you – should I send YOU the $10?

  2. Aww, I’m sorry to hear it didn’t hit the mark for you. I agree with you on the effects – I thought they were odd choices.

    The line “a villain who is no scarier than a WWE bad guy” almost made me spew my tea. Brilliant.

    I have to say that I enjoyed the film start to finish. I disagree on the yogurt commercial comment though, I thought the acting was good and there were so many things in the relationships the film got right on (especially Bella with her friends, her Dad and the Cullens). Kristen Stewart really did a great job.

  3. CBlaze… Send the chack to Mad hatter, 123 Awesome Road, Toronto.

    Shannon… Sorry about the tea, and I agree on your point of Bella w. her friends, her dad, and The Cullens. But when she was with edward, she never struck me so much in love as she was somewhere between confused and mystified.

    ViewAskew… Coulda swore you told me you liked this movie. Are you changing your tune?

  4. LOL. In the first book, the villains don’t even get a mention until 3/4 of the way through. They just sort of…show up.

    Also, Edward wasn’t nearly glittery enough.

  5. Exactly Mira…that’s fine for a book, but the movie could have been better had the conflict been moved up and happened even fifteen minutes sooner.

    I agree with you on Edward’s glittery appearance. He’s supposed to appear peternaturally shimmering…not look like a back up dancer at a Cher concert.

  6. Just saw it tonight…loved the awkwardness between Bella and her dad…they had some truly charming sequences together. Thought Edward was very twitchy, and for young, forbidden love, I thought the chemistry between Leo and Clare’s Romeo and Juliet was more passionate. Still processing, as I was with people who loved it…but I don’t think I loved it. And I miss you. Just sayin’. *hugs*

    – Sue

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