TED

I can almost imagine the following conversation happening after many drinks…

“Did you ever have one of those talking teddy bears?”
“Yeah, when I was like six. He was cool”
“Wouldn’t it be cool if that bear, like, grew up with you?”
“Whaddaya mean? Like the bear would start drinkin’ when I started drinkin’?”
“Yeah! Wouldn’t that be funny? A teddy bear that knocks back shots and tall boys?”
“…and hangs with hookers.”
“…and gets fucked up”
“Totally! That’d be awesome.”

Never thought one of the participants in the conversation would be a Hollywood director.

TED is the story of John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg). When he little boy, he didn’t have any friends so he made a wish one night that his new teddy bear would be able to talk and be his best friend. Wouldn’t you know it, magic exists that make such a child’s wish come true, and the next morning Ted can indeed talk. As promised, he and John become best friends and remain so well into adulthood.

The story then jumps ahead almost thirty years where we discover that John and Ted are still best buddies (Ted is now voiced by Seth MacFarlane). Neither of them have matured past a certain point, and now spend a lot of their time hanging out, eating snacks, drinking and getting high.

This might be the life for John and Ted, but it eventually wears thin for John’s live-in girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis). Lori loves John for who he is, but also sees how much Ted is taking advantage and freeloading off John’s friendship. When over dinner she suggests to John that he talk to Ted about moving out and growing up, John resists the idea. However, when they return from dinner and see the carnage one of Ted’s wild nights has created in their apartment, the die is cast.

Thus, Ted becomes a story about growing up. Ted finds a job and an apartment in an attempt to finally become an adult talking plush toy, and John looks to be a better man, become a more attentive boyfriend, and learn that there are other things in life besides a talking, drinking, smoking plush toy.

TED is the first film by Seth MacFarlane, best known for the animated TV series “The Family Guy”. It shouldn’t be a big surprise then, that much of the humour in TED is evocative of “The Family Guy” in its off-colour and occasionally crude manner. So if you want to know if TED is for you, find a few episodes of “The Family Guy” (which shouldn’t be hard) and you’ll know what you’re in for. MacFarlane actually shows a deft hand for directing. Not only is the film handsome and well-paced, but the story earned bonus marks from me for using a particular location well for its climax.

While I had a great time with TED, I did find myself a little put-off by a party scene that felt long. For starters, I didn’t buy the scene in the first place since it came at a point in the story where John was making a concerted effort to do right by Lori. For him to leave her in he lurch when and where he does felt juvenile even for him.

Even if I bought that John would make the decision that he did, the party he gets to plays less like a true scene and more like scattershot comedy tossed at the wall to see what sticks. It’s a scene we’ve watched three dozen times before, where a wild party just gets wilder and wilder, seemingly determined to wake up in a puddle of its own vomit next to a coked-out hooker. It’s a comedic trope that I’m very tired of, so take that and wrap it around a plot point I can’t buy and you have something that almost derailed the whole film.

Happily, TED survives the misstep and becomes something heartfelt. As lowbrow as the humour is, there’s no denying that John and Ted’s relationship is something charming, caring, and genuine. They might both be fuck-up’s, but as lifelong friends John and Ted each want what’s best for the other person. So if that means giving the other some space, they do it. If it means speaking up on the other’s behalf, there’s no hesitation. Few of us have friends that care about us as unconditionally as Ted and John do, and watching that sort of relationship play out is an oddly beautiful thing.

The loyalties of friendship can get blurry. On the one hand, we can find ourselves so staunchly faithful to our friends because of how far back we go, that we don’t see how our friends are in fact holding us back. On the other hand, we sometimes become so self-interested in furthering our own situations, that we become quick to cut someone loose. The story of TED sees all of this, for better and for worse. It understands how hard it is to stay friends with someone as you mature, and that maturing doesn’t mean we should just cut people off. Heady themes for a film about a plush toy that likes to drink, screw, and get high.

As I sat down to watch TED, I put out a thought on Twitter. My thought was that movies like TED should be considered pass/fail. The film is a comedy, and with that comes one simple goal: to make its audience laugh. There’s no point in fleshing out how much it makes us laugh, or declaring it “so funny”, since one person’s sense of humour varies so much from the next. Instead, films like this need to remain a personal preference when brought up in conversation. TED doesn’t do much to elevate itself as some comedies have over the years, but that’s not a prerequisite. It’s only out to amuse, and for my money it amused.

Matineescore: ★ ★ ★ out of ★ ★ ★ ★
What did you think? Please leave comments with your thoughts and reactions on TED.