Yesterday I was listening to a podcast I will not call out by name, and had to crack a smile as the discussion of a recent film downshifted into full-on nitpicking.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but nitpicking gets on my nerves a little bit. Not so much in casual conversation over drinks, but when those nitpicks are published in some fashion. It gets my goat because when the nitpicking is published, it then takes on the form of criticism, and the two really aren’t the same.

A few weeks ago, my friend Sasha decided to have some fun with it. A week or so after the release of PROMETHEUS, she caught up with the film and came away from it just thinking it was “okay”. (Note: I’m not here to change anyone’s mind on PROMETHEUS) The next day, she started joking around by posting a series of cheeky tweets all day that pointed out some details that seemed to fly in the face of logic, or underline how stupid or unobservant some characters were.

This got me thinking: So many classic and beloved films could easily crumble when held up to such a cynical light. There are so many films we have run up the flagpole as banners all films should strive to be – films that when taken under the microscope are riddled with plot holes.

Films like THE WIZARD OF OZ.

After an entire day of listening to my friend tweet about PROMETHEUS, I wondered what would happen if she followed it up with the 1939 classic. It prompted me to spend the weekend tweeting what I have collected below.

Before you read on, please know that this was all in my head – Sasha wasn’t actually watching THE WIZARD OF OZ, nor was she saying these things. It’s all just the way my sarcastic self imagined it might go…

 

Ryan McNeil‏@matinee_ca

“A rainbow is an optical phenomenon. You CAN’T GO over an optical phenomenon. Stupid bitch.” ‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“She’s running away with the dog and one little bag? Is that bag bottomless like Hermione’s purse?”‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“The farm has a storm cellar, but she goes to the front door first. WTF?”‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“She tells Dorothy to walk to Oz and then flies off in a pink bubble. Selfish bitch!”‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“I’m going to call on someone I’ve never met – Why don’t you come too and ask for shit.”‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

She said “Follow the yellow brick road”. Never said “When it forks, veer right.” Huge effin plot hole ‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

The trees are throwing their own apples? What’s next- Munchkins rip off fingers and start flinging’ em around?‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

He was *just* rusted solid, now he’s dancing around. This is PROMETHEUS all over again. ‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

What the hell? Tin Man shot steam from his head! His chest is empty, what’s under the funnel that can shoot steam?‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“We’re both going to call on someone we’ve never met – Why don’t you come too and ask for shit.” ‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

The funnel is off – nothing under it that could shoot steam. What dumbass designed this character? ‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“Hmmm, you three remind me a lot of the farmhands back home. Must be a co-incidence” Unobservant bitch.‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“We’re all going to ask a stranger to give us shit. What’s the harm asking him for one more thing, right?” Assholes.‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

Dorothy’s hair length keeps changing. Seriously u guys, this movie is the worst‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

Your spells are undone with the smallest amount of snow? Worst. Witch. Ever.‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“Who rang that bell?” Maybe the four people in front of you, dumbass.‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

Really? Nobody notices the doorman, coach driver and guard are all the same dude? Emerald City is full of idiots.‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

Nobody’s allowed to see The Wizard. Unless you cry – then you’re in. That’s totally all it takes. ‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

So they go to get the witch’s broomstick, and the one without a brain is carrying a pistol. Are you kidding me?‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“You get shocked when you try to take the ruby slippers? Weird. I could just step out of them, but I’m not gonna”‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

What? Dorothy will die when the sand runs out in the hourglass? HOW?? WHY?? Plothooooolllleee!!!‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

Water. All it took to kill her was water. NOBODY in Oz ever thought of that before?‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

So she never bathes, right? And she always has an umbrella handy, right?‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

Even The Winkies are happy she’s dead? Did they never figure out how far they outnumber her? ‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“Come back tomorrow.” “Screw that, we’ll tell ’em all you’re a fraud” Dorothy’s a brat.‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“Here – have a degree. LOTS of people without brains have degrees” Wizard’s up to some subversive shit.‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“I wanted a heart, and all I got was this lousy clock” Tin Man gets disillusioned in The Emerald City ‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

He had a hot air balloon the whole time? Why does everyone in OZ want Dorothy to take the long way around?‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

NONE of ’em notice The Wizard was the doorman, coach driver, and guard. Most unobservant characters in movie history‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

Are you kidding me? Toto screws up the balloon launch by chasing a cat? Convenient plot device. ‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“I can’t come back, I don’t know how it works!” Good thing he was the one flying them back to America, eh?‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“You’ve always had the power to go back to Kansas.” Bad enough you wouldn’t bring to The Wizard in your pink bubble‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“She wouldn’t have believed me, she needed to learn it for herself” Because Dorothy strikes us all as a cynic.‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬

 

“Oh Auntie Em, there’s no place like home” Really dude? Did you notice the other place was in Technicolor?‪#sashawatcheswizardofoz‬ The End 

 

23 Replies to “Spare Me the Details”

  1. Hahahaha. There are definite plotholes, but it’s so adorable. I love this film. However, Glinda is one evil little (b)witch. I hate her.

    1. Right? Right???

      “I know damned well how to get you back home, but you strike me as a doubter – so just walk that way (while I fly in my bubble) and some weird dude will map it out for ya”

  2. This post made my whole morning. And perhaps the afternoon too. Thank you. The next time I’m forced to endure watching a movie with a Plot-Hole-Pointer-Outer I’m showing him/her this post.

    1. Weekly feature?

      I played this out over an entire weekend and by Saturday night I was risking Sasha ripping my larynx out and showing it to me. If I ever dreamed about doing this again, I’d have to choose another scapegoat lest I risk a trip to emerge.

  4. I remember reading this on twitter. It’s Hilarious!! And I did think that this must be your response to her not liking Prometheus. I was right !! 😀

  5. That was a great day on twitter. I was enjoying those tweets very much without having any idea of the context at all. LOL

    1. The funniest part was three days later at the bar when the locals were like “Wait – she wasn’t watching it? You made that all up?? Without even watching it yourself???”

  8. Not many films are plot hole free. Anyone, who spends a good few minutes thinking about other possible paths or behaviours for characters to choose, can eviscerate any number of films. Unless it flies in the face of everything that transpired earlier in a film, narratively or in terms of character motivations, or, on the other hand, is simply not given enough supportive evidence in the script or direction for a certain plot point to make sense, I just don’t spend much time on them. God, I’m a James Bond fan, Imagine what that would be like if I nitpicked plot holes..

    1. Exactamundo! Hell, I could probably re-run this entire tweet series watching something as universally loved as STAR WARS, how much fun could I have with that?

    2. Haha, I get that a lot. I don’t know, it’s just… I find it so corny and it makes me cringe all the time. Plus, I don’t think time has been kind to it at all.

    3. Wow – well usually in this situation I suggest somebody watch the offending film again. In your case, I might suggest to watch it with some kids (cousins, siblings, etc) who haven’t seen it yet. If the film doesn’t make you enthusiastic, the kids’ reaction to it very well might.

Comments are closed.